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Do you truly want to eliminate depression and anxiety from your life? If you are interested, please read on!
The term “Values” is used throughout this document. Following your Values, leads to a life of meaning, and a “true north” direction for your actions.
Values are a direction, and something that you would be proud to have on your gravestone. Values can include things like family, friendship, helping others, contributing to your community, spirituality, justice, kindness, courage, etc. At any one time in life, you are moving towards, or away from your Values.
Goals in Values are concrete actions you take each day to move you in the direction of your Values. For example, if I have a friendship Value, I may choose to call my friends and see how they are doing, or send them an e-mail.
Most people have five or more Values, but each will overlap the other. Like the Olympic concentric circles, they each quickly become connected. For example, if you have a Value in helping others, and a Value of being in friendships, there will always be opportunities to help your friends (your Value in helping others intersects with friendship).
Be careful not to get trapped into thinking that any Goal is too small to make a difference. Like throwing a rock into a pond, what you think is a pebble, may be a boulder to another person.
For more information on Values, research ACT, or visit my website for an appointment at peaceorpain.org. Without learning about Values, this handout could be confusing.
Depression is usually related to past decisions, whereas anxiety is usually about future decisions, or situations. There are three different situations for depression and three for anxiety. One deals with decisions you made, things that others have done, or things that ‘the world” has done.
Anxiety on the other hand, is always about future decisions you have to make, things others have done to create anxiety, or things the world has done that create anxiety.
Depression
Example 1:
You Are Moving Away From Your Values Regarding Your Own Decisions:
You have a Value of having loving, compassionate, and lasting friendships. You and your friend get into an argument and are no longer talking. You decide not to apologize to your friend. You are depressed over losing a friend.
Example 1:
You Are Moving Toward Your Values Regarding Your Own Decisions:
You decide to apologize to your friend. If they accept, you are friends again.
If they do not accept your apology, you may be momentarily depressed, but in the end, you know that you did what you were supposed to do. You acted on your Values.
Example 2:
You Are Moving Away From Your Values Regarding the Actions of Other People:
Again, you have the Value in helping other people. You are watching the news, and see a story about a mother and child murdered in your city. You have to decide how you are going to view the situation.
You decide that this is a senseless act that represents a decline in society. You may even focus on that fact, by watching the news for similar stories. The result is depression. You decide that the decline of the world cannot be stopped.
Example 2:
You Are Moving Toward Your Values Regarding the Actions of Other People:
You choose to act on your Value to help other people. You volunteer to help Big Brothers and Sisters (you could also donate). If the outcome is positive, you are excited about helping. If you know the outcome is not positive, you know you have done what you can do to make the world a better place.
Example 3:
A Situation When You Are Moving Away From Your Values Regarding a Decision “The World” Makes:
You have received a call and learned that your favorite aunt whom you loved very much, has died. You have a spiritual Value, but you are not sure there even is a heaven. You are depressed because you don’t know if you will ever see her again.
Example 3:
A Situation Where You Are Moving Toward Your Values Regarding a Decision “The World” Makes:
You have spiritual Values, and you have had several discussions with your aunt. She has explained to you, that she knows for certain she is going to heaven. Your aunt is not one to lie, so you believe she is there now. You may be momentarily depressed, but it passes.
Anxiety
Example 1:
You Are Moving Away From Your Values About a Future Event:
You are taking your final exam for your diploma in school counseling. You know you are prone to high anxiety before tests, which usually equals bad grades. You decide you are not ready, and you stay up most of the night re-studying the material. As a result, you are exhausted when you do the test. Your score is lower than it should have been.
Example 1:
You Are Moving Toward Your Values About a Future Event.
You have studied and you feel confident that you are prepared. You go to bed early and get 8 hours of sleep. If you do well on the test, you celebrate.
Example 2:
You Are Moving Away From Your Values Regarding the Actions of Other People:
You have a Value in helping other people. You have a friend, that you know needs help taking the final exam, but you also know it would take significant time to help. You decide to not offer your help. You are already anxious about the test. Your friend does poorly on the test. Helping them will only make you more anxious. Your friend does poorly on the test.
Example 2:
You Are Moving Toward Your Values Regarding Things in The World
You have a Value of Learning and Education. Although you are anxious about the test, you see this as an opportunity to help your friend, so you offer to study with them. If you pass the test, you are excited. If you get a good score on the test, even after helping your friend, you are satisfied that you followed your Values..
Example 3:
You Are Moving Away From Your Values, Regarding Things Happening In The World
You have a Value of Learning and Education. The academic school released a decision that people who fail the final test, will only have one chance to re-take the test. You are so anxious that you have Panic Attacks, which prevent you from studying. You fail the re-take
Example 3:
You Are Moving Toward Your Values Regarding Things Happening In The World
You have a Value of Learning and Education. Initially, you are anxious, but you have done everything within your power to be prepared for the test. If you pass, you are excited. If not, you decide to learn for the retake.
Normally we all would be depressed and anxious about the decisions in the examples. I encourage you however, to try to begin making decisions based on your Values and notice how you feel about yourself. What do you have to lose? Your depression and anxiety? If this does not work, feel free to go back to your old way of dealing with depression and anxiety.
Last Thoughts
This document gives examples of how you can eliminate the majority of depression and anxiety in your life. Without an explanation, however, it may be confusing.
In each example, I address how moving away and moving toward your Values, can affect your life in a negative, or positive way. In each instance, anxiety and depression result from your thinking about your situations, your thinking about what other people have done, and your thinking about what is happening in the world.
Before you can begin to move toward your Values however, you need to understand in very clear, actionable terms, what your individual Values are. This document does not address that important step. Reducing or eliminating your depression and anxiety, could be a life-changing event. If you are serious about this opportunity, I invite you to contact me at my website peaceorpain.org.